For some reason while shaving yesterday, I started thinking about something I had heard in the hallway the other day. Some girl was singing some line of Born this Way by Lady Gaga and she looked at her friend and said something to the effect that "She is so right, I am going to screw being nice and just be what I am." Now Born this Way is a catchy song, and one could argue a lot about the sort of moral paradox it could rationalize if one wanted to, but I doubt Lady Gaga really wanted kids to use this song as an excuse to be arses to one another. I watched her interview on 60 Minutes and she was surprisingly (or maybe more so refreshingly) calculated, crafted, and together.
But none of that is really my point. I think in America we love to celebrate the "bad ass". We love to romanticize the idea of raging into town, kicking butts, and taking names and not caring what people think about us. We see it in the movies, tv, the radio. A worker walks out of their job because of their awful boss, a girl dumps her boyfriend for a hotter model, etc. And honestly, the "B.A." appeals to all of us. I am sure most of us have probably embellished a story or anecdote to make ourselves seem more frightening and hardcore than what our real, less secure self will allow us to be. We hike up our pants, place our booted foot on a chair, snort and spit. But is the "B.A" persona really an idea that we want to strive for?
There are some good qualities to that way of life. I mean every coin has a flip side. It is good to not care what people think about you IF you are doing positive things. If you are being nice to a person whom no one else is, then yeah that is good. If you aren't talking about how ugly some woman is while all your friends do and judge you for not, then once again, kudos to you, because that takes some guts. However, we don't count that as being "B.A." The little judges with their comments would probably tell you that it lacked personality, lacked that "it"factor, if you were on B.A. Idol. They would be looking for you ramming the car of the person who cut you off, or for you to poor coffee on the rude McDonald's worker before going to work. I think our definition of B.A. has been misconstrued. Counterculture, raging against the machine, used to be the way of the B.A., but now more so it seems to be about self-promotion, self-glorification, about gaining stories where we lie and make other people seem small in order for our own tall tale to push onward into eternity.
If I apply this litmus test to myself then yes my Mohawk was "bad ass," but being overly mean or harsh to a kid so the rest of my kids laugh at him or her or so my coworkers don't view me as a pushover, is just being an arse. And just being an arse really doesn't prove anything other than that I am shallow and worried too much about an image that no one really cares about. So I would hope that none of us fall victim to the pressure of being a false "B.A." I know I need to check my own motivations, and to be ok with being the more mild mannered Crady Bear that I am.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
It's easy being Crady, but hard being Jeff...a weaving of lyrics and reflection.
I love "Coming Home" by Shawn P.Diddy Combs. I must admit it. I am not a big P.Diddy fan. Whenever I watched his Making the Band show, or watched that other show where people competed to be his secretary, he did not impress me. However, I love "Coming Home". I love the lyric "It's easy being Diddy, but it's hard being Shawn," because I think we can all identify with that on some level.
When you first start teaching (even more so in a small community like E'town) it is almost as if you become a minor celebrity. Not in that you really do anything worthy of fame, or that you reach millions of people with your acting skills, but people do pay attention to you. You go to the supermarket and kids say things like, "what are you doing here?" I guess they assume that we don't eat, that we somehow sustain ourselves on testing materials and white board markers. The kids, even their parents, pay attention to you. They notice when you get your hair cut, when you wear new shirts and shoes. They want to know strange details of your personal lives, and if they find one out they want to share it with everyone, and get the credit for knowing first. Granted, I have a mohawk, wear bowling shoes to school occasionally, and have a tattoo of my wife's name on my wrist, so I know I give them lots of things to pay attention to, but still it is strange to me, that they would care about any of those things, or that they would be weirded out to see me at the Mexican restaurant with other teachers, my wife, or friends. That aspect reminds me more so of Miranda Lambert's Famous in a Smalltown.
Over the course of seven years of teaching, I have sort of developed this persona accidentally. Kids, fellow teachers, parents, almost always call me "Crady." It is not unusual to walk down the hall and hear "Crady" boomed from some random direction, sometimes even from kids I don't know, and I think, why would that kid want me to acknowledge him? It is as if this "Crady" persona is a separate and distinct entity from me (Jeff). I don't really know what kids think of "Crady" or what their parents must think of "Crady." I have a feeling that it is generally good things. I think kids expect "Crady" to laugh loudly, say sometimes inappropriate things, to sing in class, maybe yell some. I don't know for sure, but I think that even though I don't know exactly who "Crady" is that I still definitely play into the role of it or him. One probably because it helps me in the classroom to get them to cooperate and learn, another because honestly I probably like the attention it brings.
However, I am probably more "Jeff" than "Crady'. My wife (who lives with Jeff) could tell a lot about how uncool "Jeff" really is. My close friends could share a lot on how hateful and uninteresting I can be as well. That aspect of the "Crady" vs "Jeff" debate reminds me of some lyrics from a couple of other songs. I sang a song Sunday at church whose first line is "No one would love me if they knew, all the things I hide." That is sort of true for life isn't it. We (as a species) have a tendency to put people on pedestals, to revere them, and then as we get to know them better, or see more of them revealed on tv, to sort of become disheartened by their real selves, which really isn't fair. And we don't just do that with celebrities, we do it with our friends and spouses and family too. We have a hard time accepting the things we hate about ourselves in others.
That aspect too, reminds me of another song that I like a lot called "Crooked Deep Down". In that song there is a lyric that says, “just don't ask my real good friends, cause they might tell the truth, but it's nothing they could prove”. I would probably be embarrassed by the things my friends think of me at times. Maybe ashamed is a better word. I am sure I can come across needy and petty at times, among other negative things.
So that is why it is sometimes so easy to be “Crady”. Because that is a persona. I won't say it is an act, because I am being myself when I am being goofy, loud, and brash, but it is not a complete picture. It is harder to be “Jeff” because he can be insecure, selfish, awkward with people and emotions. Jeff worries about what people think of him, he worries about if people would still like him when he is “Jeff” as Crady doesn't really worry about any of those things. They both have their good points and both are necessary for my survival in my life. One helps me to find the joy and excitement and confidence to get things done; the other reminds me to not be an arse , to think about Christ, to put other's wants in front of my own.
When you first start teaching (even more so in a small community like E'town) it is almost as if you become a minor celebrity. Not in that you really do anything worthy of fame, or that you reach millions of people with your acting skills, but people do pay attention to you. You go to the supermarket and kids say things like, "what are you doing here?" I guess they assume that we don't eat, that we somehow sustain ourselves on testing materials and white board markers. The kids, even their parents, pay attention to you. They notice when you get your hair cut, when you wear new shirts and shoes. They want to know strange details of your personal lives, and if they find one out they want to share it with everyone, and get the credit for knowing first. Granted, I have a mohawk, wear bowling shoes to school occasionally, and have a tattoo of my wife's name on my wrist, so I know I give them lots of things to pay attention to, but still it is strange to me, that they would care about any of those things, or that they would be weirded out to see me at the Mexican restaurant with other teachers, my wife, or friends. That aspect reminds me more so of Miranda Lambert's Famous in a Smalltown.
Over the course of seven years of teaching, I have sort of developed this persona accidentally. Kids, fellow teachers, parents, almost always call me "Crady." It is not unusual to walk down the hall and hear "Crady" boomed from some random direction, sometimes even from kids I don't know, and I think, why would that kid want me to acknowledge him? It is as if this "Crady" persona is a separate and distinct entity from me (Jeff). I don't really know what kids think of "Crady" or what their parents must think of "Crady." I have a feeling that it is generally good things. I think kids expect "Crady" to laugh loudly, say sometimes inappropriate things, to sing in class, maybe yell some. I don't know for sure, but I think that even though I don't know exactly who "Crady" is that I still definitely play into the role of it or him. One probably because it helps me in the classroom to get them to cooperate and learn, another because honestly I probably like the attention it brings.
However, I am probably more "Jeff" than "Crady'. My wife (who lives with Jeff) could tell a lot about how uncool "Jeff" really is. My close friends could share a lot on how hateful and uninteresting I can be as well. That aspect of the "Crady" vs "Jeff" debate reminds me of some lyrics from a couple of other songs. I sang a song Sunday at church whose first line is "No one would love me if they knew, all the things I hide." That is sort of true for life isn't it. We (as a species) have a tendency to put people on pedestals, to revere them, and then as we get to know them better, or see more of them revealed on tv, to sort of become disheartened by their real selves, which really isn't fair. And we don't just do that with celebrities, we do it with our friends and spouses and family too. We have a hard time accepting the things we hate about ourselves in others.
That aspect too, reminds me of another song that I like a lot called "Crooked Deep Down". In that song there is a lyric that says, “just don't ask my real good friends, cause they might tell the truth, but it's nothing they could prove”. I would probably be embarrassed by the things my friends think of me at times. Maybe ashamed is a better word. I am sure I can come across needy and petty at times, among other negative things.
So that is why it is sometimes so easy to be “Crady”. Because that is a persona. I won't say it is an act, because I am being myself when I am being goofy, loud, and brash, but it is not a complete picture. It is harder to be “Jeff” because he can be insecure, selfish, awkward with people and emotions. Jeff worries about what people think of him, he worries about if people would still like him when he is “Jeff” as Crady doesn't really worry about any of those things. They both have their good points and both are necessary for my survival in my life. One helps me to find the joy and excitement and confidence to get things done; the other reminds me to not be an arse , to think about Christ, to put other's wants in front of my own.
It's easy to be Crady, but hard to be Jeff
I love "Coming Home" by Shawn P.Diddy Combs. I must admit it. I am not a big P.Diddy fan. Whenever I watched his Making the Band show, or watched that other show where people competed to be his secretary, he did not impress me. However, I love "Coming Home". I love the lyric "It's easy being Diddy, but it's hard being Shawn," because I think we can all identify with that on some level.
When you first start teaching (even more so in a small community like E'town) it is almost as if you become a minor celebrity. Not in that you really do anything worthy of fame, or that you reach millions of people with your acting skills, but people do pay attention to you. You go to the supermarket and kids say things like, "what are you doing here?" I guess they assume that we don't eat, that we somehow sustain ourselves on testing materials and white board markers. The kids, even their parents, pay attention to you. They notice when you get your hair cut, when you wear new shirts and shoes. They want to know strange details of your personal lives, and if they find one out they want to share it with everyone, and get the credit for knowing first. Granted, I have a mohawk, wear bowling shoes to school occasionally, and have a tattoo of my wife's name on my wrist, so I know I give them lots of things to pay attention to, but still it is strange to me, that they would care about any of those things, or that they would be weirded out to see me at the Mexican restaurant with other teachers, my wife, or friends. That aspect reminds me more so of Miranda Lambert's Famous in a Smalltown.
Over the course of seven years of teaching, I have sort of developed this persona accidentally. Kids, fellow teachers, parents, almost always call me "Crady." It is not unusual to walk down the hall and hear "Crady" boomed from some random direction, sometimes even from kids I don't know, and I think, why would that kid want me to acknowledge him? It is as if this "Crady" persona is a separate and distinct entity from me (Jeff). I don't really know what kids think of "Crady" or what their parents must think of "Crady." I have a feeling that it is generally good things. I think kids expect "Crady" to laugh loudly, say sometimes inappropriate things, to sing in class, maybe yell some. I don't know for sure, but I think that even though I don't know exactly who "Crady" is that I still definitely play into the role of it or him. One probably because it helps me in the classroom to get them to cooperate and learn, another because honestly I probably like the attention it brings.
However, I am probably more "Jeff" than "Crady'. My wife (who lives with Jeff) could tell a lot about how uncool "Jeff" really is. My close friends could share a lot on how hateful and uninteresting I can be as well. That aspect of the "Crady" vs "Jeff" debate reminds me of some lyrics from a couple of other songs. I sang a song Sunday at church whose first line is "No one would love me if they knew, all the things I hide." That is sort of true for life isn't it. We (as a species) have a tendency to put people on pedestals, to revere them, and then as we get to know them better, or see more of them revealed on tv, to sort of become disheartened by their real selves, which really isn't fair.
When you first start teaching (even more so in a small community like E'town) it is almost as if you become a minor celebrity. Not in that you really do anything worthy of fame, or that you reach millions of people with your acting skills, but people do pay attention to you. You go to the supermarket and kids say things like, "what are you doing here?" I guess they assume that we don't eat, that we somehow sustain ourselves on testing materials and white board markers. The kids, even their parents, pay attention to you. They notice when you get your hair cut, when you wear new shirts and shoes. They want to know strange details of your personal lives, and if they find one out they want to share it with everyone, and get the credit for knowing first. Granted, I have a mohawk, wear bowling shoes to school occasionally, and have a tattoo of my wife's name on my wrist, so I know I give them lots of things to pay attention to, but still it is strange to me, that they would care about any of those things, or that they would be weirded out to see me at the Mexican restaurant with other teachers, my wife, or friends. That aspect reminds me more so of Miranda Lambert's Famous in a Smalltown.
Over the course of seven years of teaching, I have sort of developed this persona accidentally. Kids, fellow teachers, parents, almost always call me "Crady." It is not unusual to walk down the hall and hear "Crady" boomed from some random direction, sometimes even from kids I don't know, and I think, why would that kid want me to acknowledge him? It is as if this "Crady" persona is a separate and distinct entity from me (Jeff). I don't really know what kids think of "Crady" or what their parents must think of "Crady." I have a feeling that it is generally good things. I think kids expect "Crady" to laugh loudly, say sometimes inappropriate things, to sing in class, maybe yell some. I don't know for sure, but I think that even though I don't know exactly who "Crady" is that I still definitely play into the role of it or him. One probably because it helps me in the classroom to get them to cooperate and learn, another because honestly I probably like the attention it brings.
However, I am probably more "Jeff" than "Crady'. My wife (who lives with Jeff) could tell a lot about how uncool "Jeff" really is. My close friends could share a lot on how hateful and uninteresting I can be as well. That aspect of the "Crady" vs "Jeff" debate reminds me of some lyrics from a couple of other songs. I sang a song Sunday at church whose first line is "No one would love me if they knew, all the things I hide." That is sort of true for life isn't it. We (as a species) have a tendency to put people on pedestals, to revere them, and then as we get to know them better, or see more of them revealed on tv, to sort of become disheartened by their real selves, which really isn't fair.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
To you lil Wayne
An open letter to lil Wayne in response to this quote from Rolling Stone:
"I also read the Bible for the first time. It was deep! I liked the parts where some character was once this, but he ended up being that. Like he'd be dissing Jesus, and then he ends up being a saint. That was cool."
Hip-hop artist Lil Wayne, on what he did during his prison sentence on a weapons charge.
To you lil Wayne I would say. Yes, you are right. It is cool how Jesus forgave and changed those who scoffed at him and his loving Father. I am glad you spent some time reading The Bible while you were in the pin. I don't know what sort of prison you were in, but I am sure you had lots of options for what to do with your free time, and the fact that you chose to read from The Word is great, terrific--and the Jesus of that day, who changed those who "dissed" him, still can do that today. He is still capable of reaching his tender hand into our hearts to stir the stagnant pools, refresh and reset the waters of our lives.
Is that something you want Lil Wayne? Do you feel a need for change in your life? Or, was that quote a cool soundbite that you knew the editors at Rolling Stone would eat up? There must have been a reason for you to wonder about the man and story of Jesus. There must be a reason, that with all your success, all your money, all your straight pimpin' rides and whips, that you wondered about Jesus? Do you feel loneliness? Does the weed really help you create, or does it more so help you chill the pain? Does it help you pull the black shades over the things that bother you the most? We all do that. I use food, media, the urge to be funny to distract myself. My kids use crazed relationships, sex, weed like you. But thankfully there is hope for all of us, because I know it gets tiring. I know how it is to stand there before the dam, arms and legs outstretched every toe and finger plugging a hole, pushing with all your might, trying to hold back that flood, that river, that trembling, quaking ocean waiting to overwhelm you. I get it man. I really do.
If that is you--if that is you plugging the holes in the dam, with your money, and your big booty broads, your weed, and your fame, take hope. The God of that Bible, the Jesus with those kind words and that power, still has it today. Don't get me wrong. He will let the dam collapse. In fact he will breathe it down, on top of you. It will be violent, and it will be difficult, and you will ask yourself "what the hell did I just do?" But, he will be there to help you up, dry you off, hug you..change you, give you the courage to change, relax--the courage to just be.
So, if you find yourself staring in the mirror after some concert, or if you find yourself at some after-party with some woman grinding on you, while you sit there with your purple drink and blunt watching all the people dance, and kiss, drunken and crazed, and amongst all this, in a brief moment of clarity you realize, if only for a moment, that this doesn't feel like enough, that it somehow pales in comparison to something you don't even know yet--just ask him--ask Jesus, and he will relieve you from all that you suffer.
With encouragement,
Jeff Crady
"I also read the Bible for the first time. It was deep! I liked the parts where some character was once this, but he ended up being that. Like he'd be dissing Jesus, and then he ends up being a saint. That was cool."
Hip-hop artist Lil Wayne, on what he did during his prison sentence on a weapons charge.
To you lil Wayne I would say. Yes, you are right. It is cool how Jesus forgave and changed those who scoffed at him and his loving Father. I am glad you spent some time reading The Bible while you were in the pin. I don't know what sort of prison you were in, but I am sure you had lots of options for what to do with your free time, and the fact that you chose to read from The Word is great, terrific--and the Jesus of that day, who changed those who "dissed" him, still can do that today. He is still capable of reaching his tender hand into our hearts to stir the stagnant pools, refresh and reset the waters of our lives.
Is that something you want Lil Wayne? Do you feel a need for change in your life? Or, was that quote a cool soundbite that you knew the editors at Rolling Stone would eat up? There must have been a reason for you to wonder about the man and story of Jesus. There must be a reason, that with all your success, all your money, all your straight pimpin' rides and whips, that you wondered about Jesus? Do you feel loneliness? Does the weed really help you create, or does it more so help you chill the pain? Does it help you pull the black shades over the things that bother you the most? We all do that. I use food, media, the urge to be funny to distract myself. My kids use crazed relationships, sex, weed like you. But thankfully there is hope for all of us, because I know it gets tiring. I know how it is to stand there before the dam, arms and legs outstretched every toe and finger plugging a hole, pushing with all your might, trying to hold back that flood, that river, that trembling, quaking ocean waiting to overwhelm you. I get it man. I really do.
If that is you--if that is you plugging the holes in the dam, with your money, and your big booty broads, your weed, and your fame, take hope. The God of that Bible, the Jesus with those kind words and that power, still has it today. Don't get me wrong. He will let the dam collapse. In fact he will breathe it down, on top of you. It will be violent, and it will be difficult, and you will ask yourself "what the hell did I just do?" But, he will be there to help you up, dry you off, hug you..change you, give you the courage to change, relax--the courage to just be.
So, if you find yourself staring in the mirror after some concert, or if you find yourself at some after-party with some woman grinding on you, while you sit there with your purple drink and blunt watching all the people dance, and kiss, drunken and crazed, and amongst all this, in a brief moment of clarity you realize, if only for a moment, that this doesn't feel like enough, that it somehow pales in comparison to something you don't even know yet--just ask him--ask Jesus, and he will relieve you from all that you suffer.
With encouragement,
Jeff Crady
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