How do boys become men?

I teach freshmen and sophomore english. I coach tennis for both the boys and girls at my school. I deal with puberty, adolescence, and all the drama that entails every day. And lately the questions of what make s boy become a man keeps embedding itself in my brain. I watch young men (good natured, good hearted young men) every day, and witness their attempts to cross over; to jump that widening creek that seems so important to them. However, as I watch them, I am becoming more and more concerned about what they are trying to become.

I was lucky. I had a father, who paid attention to me, who asked me things, who was honest, and kind, but strong willed and somewhat angry. I had an example, even if I couldn't have his demeanor, his candidness, his ability to gain others respect-- I still had the prototype in front of me. Today we are dealing with a new generation. We are dealing with kids who have fathers, whom had no fathers. We are dealing with kids who have one mother, two mothers--who have grandmothers and uncles and aunts. People make jokes about the MTV and Hip Hop generations, but the reason it is funny is because it is true.

Obviously, boys are going to be dumb. They are going to flirt with anything in or out of a skirt. They are going to want to drink and dip and smoke. But beyond these physical lusts, there is a deeper issue arising. The stage where people grow out of this is lengthening. The ideas about what it means to be a man are changing.

Boys in my school want things. They want expensive cars they can't afford. They want big tires, and shiny wheels. They want cell phones that act as telescopes into their friends lives and thoughts; phones that allow them to date one girl, and talk to another simultaneously. They brag of these things to each other. They brag and lie about their virginity, about coming to school drunk, about driving drunk. And yes, these things occurred when I was a teen, and when my parents were teens, but now we have parents who support and even encourage this behavior. Or we have no one at home to exemplify or explain how this behavior damages a persons ability to cope with life, or to care about others, or create responsibility for actions.

So what happens? As boys get older, many seem to have their softness, their kindness, their natural desire to do the right thing eroded away. They find strength in hurting girls, attacking the weak willed, wracking up debt to appear rich. The boys that I would want my daughters to day change, how rocks weather and smooth, accept the opposite. It is more so as if it is someone has a pick ax and is content to barrage them with blows that expose the jagged and rougher parts.

So how do they cross over? How do they become men, who will lead, who will care for women, who will raise children who want virtue in their life?

I am not sure, but I do know that it is a question that most people (at least in my small world) are not asking themselves...and that is intimidating as well.