What Is The Point?
I am already preparing myself for the endless Tweets of loneliness and haters this Valentine's day. It is sort of the cool thing to do. Even for kids who don't really even care that they are single, they still find it fun to locate the most obscure single meme and post it on Twitter, or to falsely threaten to kill themselves or throw up when seeing little couple do the whole gift exchange in the hallways.
Honestly, I find both sides, the Valentine's haters and the Valentine's embracers equally entertaining. What is hard for me to find entertaining is when I see you kids taking these youthful relationships and making them a chance to act out your (what only can be described as Univision telenovela inspired) melodramas. The yelling, the crying, the angry texts, the huddled friend groups feigning support--how you come to class ready and desperate to share every single shred of gossip you can about your OWN relationship just loud enough for the whole class to hear. Coincidence? Or a need to feel as if you matter? I don't know. I do know that many of you all date simply because you can, and that many of you all date simply to have something to complain and talk about. For a young person, I really suppose this isn't too big of a deal, but a lot of times you young people don't leave things at simple melodramatics. Your need to feel important leads to rushing into physical intimacy. And I hear you kids talking, and mimicking this post-modern post Carrie Sex In the City junk; talking about "side chicks' and "f@#$boys" and "main hoes" and all I can really think is that even though their intentions are to sound mature, because they can talk the lingo and play the game of "love" well, they really sound immature. Feelings and love aren't a game. The damage you do to yourself now and what you do to others now, has a lasting impact. We learn social habits, relationship habits at a young age. Many of you all are learning bad habits, and setting yourselves up for future drama, real money costing drama, like unplanned children, divorce, court dates, etc.
If it were up to me, you kids would only go on chaperoned dates to a PG or lower rated movie. You girls would only be allowed to wear oversized sweatshirts and sweatpants with no makeup, and you guys would have to wear special glasses that only let you see your date from the neck up. But until my Erudite people rise up and take control of the government, this is not possible. So in the mean time, you kids need to keep in mind the point of dating at this age. It is to learn about yourself, your behaviors, your preferences, your weaknesses in a relationship, and to learn about others: what you need from a companion, what qualities are deal breakers for you, how to forgive…
If you're dating because you are bored, or because you need to feel loved, or because you think it makes your life more exciting and gives you something to gossip about, then you may want to reconsider your motivations. If your relationship brings out the worst parts of you: the angry, hateful, distrusting, mean liar, then maybe cut your losses and take some time to figure yourself out. Hopefully your relationship makes you want to be a better version of yourself. Hopefully it isn't drama prone; it is easy; it helps you learn how to work things out, practice mercy and kindness. Hopefully it feels like a safe place to be yourself , while also being a safe place to be challenged for positive personal change.
Your youth is practice for your adult life kids. I won't say it isn't real life and that you aren't in the real world. You are. You are in a more real world than I had to be in at your age. Take the time to practice good relationship and dating habits, just as you would practice good hygiene-- don't let your relationship be the body odor of your life.
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