Syzygy

I have been thinking about family a lot lately--about what makes a family, what is family suppose to be and support. I myself don't have a large family.I have my wife, my mom and dad, a dear couple of aunts, but we are not that sprawling sort of family that gets together a lot, or keeps track of each other well. When we have Thanksgiving, we have both sides of the family together, and we have seven people present. I know that seems strange, and maybe even sad to some people, but we are a good group. We are jovial and warm.

I grew up always wanting a brother or a sister. I would daydream about having an older sister and a younger brother. They were always a combination of the best parts of my friends brothers and sisters. I would want to go to a friend's house and hang out with them mainly because I wanted to know what their family is like. I liked seeing how they interacted with their brothers and sisters; I wanted to see what it was like to have that support network, that bond of sharing memories and experiences.

I am an only child. Sometimes I worry that I won't remember things from my growing up, and that I won't ever get those memories back, because I don't have anyone who shared them with me. Who will help me remember my mother riding my dad's motorcycle into the fence, or going to cut down a Christmas tree across the street with my dad? I find myself sitting sometimes and just remembering things that happened so they stay fresh in my mind, since I have no one really to share them with.

My parents and I sort of lived detached from the area we lived. My wife has friends she has had her entire life. When I married, not one person from my high school or growing up was there--hardly any were invited. I prayed for a life where I would be connected to the community, my coworkers, and the syzygy of the place I lived. And here in the last year I realized that prayer had been answered. It was as if my small, self contained life had bloomed like some kaleidoscope image. His hand having slowing turned the cylinder until something complicated and wonderful had been formed.

I am blessed in that I love the people I work with. I have friends of many different levels who have become my support group, my family as such. I have memories now that I can share with others--can recall and laugh about with my favorite people. I laugh heartily everyday with people who make my life so much richer and more intertwined than I could have thought. Although it was always what I wanted, and even what I prayed for, I never could have connected the dots and foreseen how mingled and warm my life would be, and I am so thankful that it is.

I know this would seem weird to most people, to be so excited about something simple as friendship and family, but to me, it was always what I wanted. I coveted a big family growing up, and it feels as if I have that now. Knowing that, helps my worry ease, my breathing more meaningful, my coping and living so much easier.